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A British homebuilder was forced to pull an advertisement for a luxury apartment building in London last week, after the ad was roundly mocked on social media for being appalling, terrifying, or both. “A glimpse into the psychotic mental state of housing in London,” said one viewer on Twitter. “A new low in the genre of dystopian / beyond-satire property ads from Redrow Homes,” tweeted a second, referring to the company that produced the ad. The ad's star, an actor whose appearance and vibe falls somewhere between Christian Bale in American Psycho and Christian Bale in Exodus, narrates the effects of his soul-sucking career and personal life over the type of score directors normally use to signal an impending murder.
The man argues with a woman who, chooses to be around him for some reason. He exhales forcefully. A '90s-model Nokia phone rings and rings, unanswered because our friend is busy having a terrible life. A couple of good things happen to him over the course of the one-and-a-half-minute epic—he makes out with a woman in an elevator and shakes hands with a person in a suit—but most of the time it feels like you’re watching a really innovative ad for Zoloft. Then, with a disturbing smirk, the protagonist strolls into a shiny black apartment building that is the point of this story and had better have a lot of cool amenities because it’s the only positive thing in this person’s miserable existence. “If it was easy, then it wouldn’t feel as good,” he says, incorrectly.
“Maybe we didn’t get it quite right with this one," a Redrow London spokespersontold the Telegraph. Not getting it quite right is a specialty of advertisers, who evince a long tradition of accidentally creating alarming, sometimes vaguely offensive, scenarios in their attempts to get products noticed. Here are six more examples of unintentionally horrifying marketing.
Kay Jewelers, Part 1: “I’m right here,” says a man to a woman, who is alone with him in the middle of a thunderstorm in the woods. “And I always will be,” he adds in a menacing voice as he abruptly pulls out ... a necklace. “Now you can surround her with the strength of your love,” adds the narrator, as silver that was once a necklace turns into a large vice, coiling tighter around the woman’s body until her head becomes a diamond. “Don’t let go,” she says. Doesn’t seem likely.
Kay Jewelers, Part 2: Here, a step-dad shows off his totally normal relationship with his future stepdaughter by giving her the same necklace he gave her mother. Congratulations to this adult man on finding an expensive, if tacky, way of making up for the fact that he isn’t her father. “I’m really happy you’re in my life, too,” dad says, innocently. “Behind every open heart is a story,” says Jane Seymour, apparently the designer of the Open Hearts collection at Kay Jewelers—and the human equivalent of a denim ruffle skirt. Let’s hope that story isn’t an illegal one!
Folgers Coffee. Incest vibes seem to be a real Achilles heel for corporations trying to sell you things by exploiting your genuine human connections to others. In this Folgers commercial, for example, everything was going right until the brother—recently returned from abroad (“It’s a long way from West Africa,” he says, arbitrarily)—hands his sister a gift. She responds by eyeing him with suspicious affection and sticking the bow on his chest. “You’re my present this year,” she says, eyes smoldering. Folgers can really bring a family together.
Baby Laugh-a-Lot. A doll that makes sounds when you push a button is panic-inducing, but the assist from an unhinged narrator in this ad really gets the product to full capacity on the terror scale. The rocking toy cackles manically as the voice of a man who has clearly had formal training as a clown lists the benefits of purchasing this tiny horror. “She’s the funniest doll you’ve ever seen!” I'll pass.
Playstation. In the competition for most stressful commercial, anything with a doll gains an automatic edge. Here is a contender that would almost certainly lead the pack, courtesy of Playstation. It features a naked doll looking at a Playstation 3, first laughing in a normal doll voice that suddenly becomes a murderous laugh, then crying, and then absorbing its own tears into its eyes. The message appears to be that video games are more fun to play with than dolls are, which seems a pretty basic point to make via a scene that could have been a clip from a Saw movie for dolls.
Little Baby's Ice Cream. This ad is different from the preceding entries, which were creepy by accident. We're including it because even if it was meant to shock viewers, the likely extent of its fallout (widespread trauma) was probably unintentional. Here, a cannibal who apparently has ice cream instead of skin eats his or her own brain matter, which is also apparently composed of ice-cream. [My colleague Patrick Clark has pointed out that the model is actually covered in marshmallow fluff. Even better.] Music from a dystopian ice cream truck plays in the background. “I eat Little Baby's Ice Cream,” narrator says, as the protagonist eats itself—and drips. “It keeps me young, it keeps me light on my feet,” the narrator adds, “I love my job.” Easy for you to say, cannibal made of ice cream.
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